Upset....

I have absolutely no idea why i am feeling this way. Or maybe i do know. I am feeling so confused right now. Sometimes, you tell others what you expect of them and they do as expected but they somehow have to add in some lines which kind of hints of unwillingness. Like for example, telling you not to say that they never do certain things.

Sigh. Am i that hard to please?

Telling me not to say that is akin to telling me that you are actually not willing to but due to certain reasons, you do it. Alot of people do things unwillingly. Even me. But what makes the difference and what makes others happy when one does what others say is that one does not say anything about carrying out the task. Maybe that is why most of the time i am able to make others happy. And what goes around, comes around. I am happy that i am able to make others happy. But of course there are some exceptions. Then again, this may just apply to me.

I do not know. Does one not feel happy when they are able to make others happy?

Today, i watched drama on the tv. Took the opportunity to let my tears fall when appropriate. Maybe i am stressed. Maybe i am just tired from work. Maybe i am depressed. No one knows. Not even myself.

Anyway, it is not that i am unhappy even if others do what i tell them to. It just makes me wonder. Is it because of what i said that is why they do it? If it is so, then are they just too lazy to do it or they just simply forgot? Either way, are they taking me for a push over? If none of the above are true, and that they are just trying to make me happy, why tell me not to say that they never do certain things? Just a joke? I am sorry, but it did not appear so to me.

I am someone with deep complexities. I was taught to think. To be wary of others. Maybe i think too much. But this is the way i am. This is the way that i protect myself. A long time ago, i had hurt myself once by not thinking and reading into things. One learns through life experiences and that experience is one which i will never forget.

I am feeling so much better after letting it out and am clearly aware that i had hurt certain people in the process. But i sincerely hope that they will understand me better and maybe learn something from what i had said.

Disclaimer
This post does not serve the purpose of hurting anyone.